life lessons & sleep residue

What a beautiful sabbath ain't it? Well, for starters, I sure hope you love my new blog format as much as I do! I seriously have been spending a week trying decide what I really wanted, and so when I finally came to terms with what I wanted, it was a beautiful {& slightly loud} party in ashlynn's hizzhouse. I still have a little {lot} more I want to add, but I'm almost there!

As for this little nugget of wisdom above me, I hope that if you haven't haven't had a reality check today, that you will now because man, ain't that that truth. When I read this last night I pretty much had a flashback of my entire life and realized that I let perfectly perfect moments slip right through my fingers because of the other worries that I deemed more important that day. Heck, I probably turned down something that would've led me to an ice-cream date with a hottie as my reward! But the point is, even if you're not religious, live your life dawg. Don't be critical of yourself and others, and more than anything, don't convince yourself that a little of something is nothing at all. How blessed we are to have even a little while others have none.

Just some food for thought. {figurative food}{it's fast Sunday folks}

 

And lastly, your ashlynn laugh of the day. So, here I am, sitting in Sacrament, trying to be in tune with the spirit when I hear this ridiculous groan come from my right. I ignored it & let it be. Another 5 minutes went by of Ms.Cry-my-make-up-off-every-fast&testimony meeting and I was convinced this was to be a fairly normal sacrament meeting here at the Bonneville Single's Ward. Nope, spoke to early. 

The dude who had been passed out next to me for the last 20 minutes, finally woke after he was forced to because he was now choking on the sleep residue in his throat. {well that's what it sounded like} This dude had one ferocious snore that brought all eyes to him. You know that face of a toddler when his momma asks him if he went poddy in his big-boy-briefs? Well, imagine it on a full grown mans face. {who has a beard} No one could help it, we all laughed. And as for me, I laughed even more than those fools until I realized that if I kept it up, I would slip one of my ridiculous laughs that would proceed to ring through the entire 3-story building. So, I swallowed it and saved it til now. & frick. It's still funny.

 

Bless the loud sleepers. We love you dearly.d

email

If you ever have questions, comments, concerns or you just wanna tell me a joke, hit me up on my email!

 

mccarter.ashlynn@gmail.com

ten reasons to love today

Ah, the simple joys of a decent Wednesday.

1) I did my laundry! Huurrahh! My roommate was definitely not lovin' me so much these last couple weeks with that laundry bag continuing to fill and then eventually overflow. So, if you're reading this Natalie, I'm sorry. But I dare you go sniff my delicate drawer--that place smells like a rainstorm.

2) I had my first cup of hot coco for the chilly season! {excited for santa smile} Hot Coco is one of my favorite things about the holiday season and I think it's cause of my daddy. He makes the finest hot coco around and knows just how to bring that Christmas cheer into our home. So needless to say, when I snuggled up in my bed, with the window open and the fall breeze slipping through...I was in my happy place.

3) I almost rode my bike. Yeah, I know..yippee? But that's sayin' a lot. Maybe tomorrow I'll go for ride. {if I can remember my bike lock code?} {dad?}

4) mumford and sons. Need I say more? My goodness their new album makes me wanna go on a hott date and look off into the stars. If you don't already have their album, get it. It shall surely bring a new light into your eyes.

5) I made it through the entire day without a nap. And you're probably wondering why I think this is such a big deal? Well, guys I  have been having a big issue lately. I'll go to classes, come home, pass out for 4-5 hours, eat dinner, have fun, and then when midnight rolls around, I start my homework. I know, stupid and unhealthy. So I'm kickin' the habit and plan to be in bed in the 25 minutes! {chest bump} one adult point for ashlynn.

6) It is officially t-minus 7 days til my best friend comes to the Land of Zion. I'm so excited! I already know everything I'm going to show her. But before we get all "productive" with our time and stuff, we are watching Moulin Rouge and eating Otter-Pops. This is going to be epic guys.

7) So, it's not official but kinda official. My cousin mayyy be gettin' hitched soon and I'm totally planning her wedding. I really want it to be Hogesmade Theme...but I think that may be a no go. {you best believe Harry Potter will be incorporated in my wedding--if my not my husband}

8) I ran, I repeat RAN to catch a bus.
         confession: i haven't ran once while being here {almost 6 weeks}
bottom line, I think I lost a couple pounds. which is TOTALLY plausible and TOTALLY true.

9) I saw someone fall off their skateboard. & it was really funny

10) & lastly, I was able to tickle the ivory today. Something I haven't been able to do in awhile. How nice it was to sit down and not have to think--just play.

today was good day.

i hope yours was equally as delightful. 

construction and chicken pox

First and foremost, please forgive me as I embark on a journey of remodeling and sassifying my blog. I thought it was about time that I upped my game. {kinda like my love life} My dear friend, Hailey will have to be patient as I turn down her every suggestion if I don't think it's weird enough. In saying that, if you have any suggestions, comments, concerns or insults, let me know! Leave a comment or hit me up the FB! I'm here to please you.

but me more.

 

But guess what? It's fall here in The Great Salt Lake and I couldn't be more ecstatic. Honestly, what a beautiful place to be. {leaves actually change colors here} & it rained this morning!! Not like post-haboob rain {look it up}, but like clean, fresh mountain rain! Hallejewyah! What a sight. Except for the fact that it already in snowed in the mountains behind me...which is bad sign. Seeing as my flip flops are my winter shoes.

 

What can you expect? I'm an AZ girl that swims in the winter!

 

Lastly, I think I have chicken pox. The inital symptoms match up and I've never gotten them before! I'm scared out of my bloody mind. I mean the symptoms could probably resemble a basic cold with a touch a stress but I'm convinced these are the early stages of death. So if this is in fact, my last post, please have a holographic version of Whitney Houston sing at my funeral. {preferably 'i will always love you'}

 

Just a quick little update to tie you over until I can blog tomorrow with a couple of stories! Cause I actually gotta go do my laundy... I haven't done it in a few weeks and I'm on my last T-shirt and panties. So, I give you my word that tomorrow, will be the day I give yea reason to laugh.

 

{see what I did there}

 

redemption

Today was the day Ashlynn's title as 'Babeasorus' was reclaimed.

 

That's right, this hott mama is back in business. Last weeks mishap at church {refer to previous post} was a mere thing of the past and now I'm skipping straight to my celestial marriage. Yup, it's going to happen. I was going to take a picture of how hott I looked today, but I'm not really the cocky type? I mean I'm beautiful, but I don't want to offend anyone? Can someone please tell me why I am so kind? please.

 

Church was splendid for two specific reasons. One, I recieved numerous double takes and two, they were serving fajitas as a splendid after-jesus-time snackaroo! If you want me to be frank, my double takes probably lost all their credibility after I downed a burrito in under a minute. It was so bad that the guy sitting next to me asked me if I was going to eat.

 

That awkward moment when you have to tell him that you ate it while he went to grab a napkin.

 

What can you do? I mean I guess you could lie and say "oh yeah. totally going to eat!" and head over for seconds. Honestly, that would've been a win-win situation if I thought of this earlier. I'm for sure going for this next time. I'll get skinny girl points and guiltless seconds. The price is right!

 

Okay I would be remiss if I didn't do a little shout out to my beloved Utes for playin' hecka good game last night and reppin' the red YET again. {55-10 win against the Cougs since the beginning of the rivalry. no biggs} But what a beautiful performance by my delicious looking black men that can play 15 minute halfs in an hour! Huzzah football!

 

But ultimately, it wasn't just us that thought we should win the Holy War.

 

 

Yup. I went there.



nanna bananas

Okay so if I could give any wise words to future parents {cause I'm so knowledgeable?}, it would be this.

Having two girls who are 22 months apart will seem like a pretty crappy idea for the first 15 years of their lives. And there is nothing you can do to create harmony between the two. Sharing clothes...fighting over bra sizes...getting pissed to just get pissed...the younger one getting angry for the older one being right...the older one getting angry when she realized she was wrong..little one gloats...I mean the whole two-bit! It is terrible! I would argue that probably 85% of that 15 years is full of contention and fork throwing at the dinner table {it happened}. But something really funny happens when the younger one finally grows up and the older one is leaving the nest.

 

You actually like her.

Heck! You even think she is funny! So. Today I miss my little sister. It wasn't til I was hiking up the bloody mountain tonight that I realized that I missed that little brat. She freaking understands me. In fact, I'd say she understands me the bestest. {she likes jokes about people getting severely injured} So, this one is for my little sis Bre. Miss you & I can't wait to be old farts together where we will still think we're flippin' hillar. We'll probably still have an instagram but with no followers--but we won't care. Cause we got eachother!

Love yea sis.

 

 

 

 

 



buttholes

You know, because I aint' yet one of those cute bloggers that got their hott hubs or adorbs little children to brag about, the only thing I really got is my friends and my dogs. So today I thought I would shed a little light on one of my new friends Chase.



His sassy face.
 

Okay well other than the fact than he is a sexy fella, he does this one thing I've noticed over the last month {yeah a month! Can you believe it? I've been doing my own hair & feeding myself for a WHOLE month}Anywhoo. Back to Chase. This kid is flippin' hillar. & let me tell you why.

He says butthole every 5 seconds.

 

I mean go ahead. Say it. BUTT-HOLE Did you say it out loud? You laughed didn't yea? Giggled maybe? Okay you at least smiled like you had a secret huh? Well, that's because you said butthole. hahahahha butthole. & lucky for me, I have a friend who says it religiously. There hasn't been one time that he said it & I didn't laugh. Let me give you a couple of typical scenarios when Chase finds butthole to be appropriate.

 

"HOLY BUTTHOLES"

 

"He is sucha butthole! Butthole..."

 

"buttholes..." {for when he is sad}

 

"I look like a butthole"

 

"YOU look like a butthole"

 

"It hurts like a freaking butthole!!"

 

"dude! ugh! buttholes!"

 

"this place reeks of butthole."

 

In this post, I've said butthole 16 times. and it has gotten funnier every time hasn't it? Well the I guess the point of this post is for me to encourage you to take advantage of the simple things in life and just laugh.

 

like buttholes.

 

 

have buttholistic weekend!

 



ballerina blowup

I messed up this morning. Big time. It all started with waking up this morning and remembering it was Fast Sunday. Well crap--no cheerios for Ashlynn. But whatever, I got over of that. 10 hours later. But I don't know what it is about Fast Sunday, I just wanna be a freaking slumdog millionaire all day long. Actually, I don't even know what that means. But I do feel like being lazy all day and curling up in a warm ball where no one can find me. {kinda like a hide and go seek game. but just with myself} Annyywayys, this background information is very important believe it or not, because it ultimately led to my down fall. It was BECAUSE I was in a "a-little-kid-could-crap-on-me-and-i-wouldnt-care" mood, I justified my church outfit. What a flippin' disaster guys. I looked like some ridiculous version of a ballerina. I mean I looked like white trash. I told my self, "Oh, this is my 3rd week of church so I've already seen every hottie that this ward gots to offer, time to kick it like a true blue ashlanator." So, I slipped on that weird get up and threw my hair up in an awkward braid and went on my way. [side note: I thought I looked good walking out the door]

Well, seeing as I'm a college kid with no means transportation, I have to actually use those two things on the lower part of my body. I really hate using them...they're so weak and don't know how to get me places on time. Anywhoo, as I start walking, I decide that I officially HATE what I'm wearing. & more than that, I hate that everyone in the flippin' great Salt Lake can see what I'm wearing as I'm trekking down this bloody mountain. I could tell...everyone was staring at me. I just wish I could pull over every car and explain to them that this isn't me, and that I'm having an off day, but I knew I would probably get run over if I tried pulling something like that.

Whatever. I got over it. & just walked straight into the Lord's house ready to be spiritually fed. Guys, remember when I said earlier that I thought I had scouted out all the men in the ward and none of them were really good enough to pursue? WELL. I SWEAR SOMEONE IS PULLING A SICK JOKE ON ME AND SWITCHED MY WARDS WITH SOME WARD FROM ITALY WHERE MEAN WEAR BOW TIES AND SEXY FITTED PANTS!So here I am, Ballerina Ashlynn, prancing through the halls, trying  my very hardest to avoid the glimpses of Channing Tatums and Ryan Renoylds. Mother freaking blakjskdfhasdifkwnflkn! Gosh dang it. The whole time I could hear them thinking "she doesn't even go here.."--like I was trapped in a freaking She's The Man scene.

I'm a BadA Hunky Ballerina Dude. That's about all I got goin' for me.

 

So I'm sorry sexy men of the Bonneville 4th ward. But prepare for 'Babe of the Year' next week.

Cause i'm bringing my A-game.