survival guide

Snow Symptoms: Extremely ugly and unattractive photos

Oh hello there! I realize that I haven't posted in about 2 weeks but I've been a busy bee. If it means anything, I've THOUGHT about blogging many times. 

 

My life, ladies and gents, is stupendously splendid! Although my toes have officially frozen off, boys think I'm a middle aged woman who is going through menopause because of the lack of time I put into my appearance, and my lips are consistently dry, my life is looking very optimistic.

 

I know I know, you really wanna date me now.

Get in line.

But seriously, snow. It's everywhere. And more than that, it is COLD snow. It kinda hurts.. But I realized that the reason for my suffering was because I was wearing something equivalent to a thong in sand storm--just inappropriate. That's why I thought I'd compose a user manual to staying toasty warm in a weather version of Edward Cullen. (sounds delightful don't it?)

 

Survival Guide to That White Stuff

• Have at least 2 lbs. of hot coco mix on you at all times. Scarfs and mittens mean nothing if you're intestine and bowels aren't given proper consideration.
• Stuff your bra with socks. Provides the females with two things 1) warm toasty puppies and 2) a healthy and boastful looking mid-section. Don't over think. Just stuff.
• Wear two pairs of underwear. It'll save your life.
• Don't brush your teeth with harsh toothpaste. You'll step outside and feel like someone is pouring nitric acid in your mouth. & flossing your teeth with nails.
• Don't shave your legs. Like ever.
• Don't do your hair cause Jack Frost is just going to screw you over anyways. If you wanna take it an extra step, just don't shower!
• Eat everything in sight. Really doesn't do much, but resisting food at this time of year is just stupid!
• EAT EVERYTHING PUMPKIN! Even if it looks gross, it is your moral obligation to take advantage of every seasonal item as possible. Don't be a panzy.
• And like wear a jacket.

Maybe I'll just drop out of college and write a book about why my advice is better than Dr.Phil's.

Endorse me.